So this blog is my launch pad, where I gather my thoughts and share with those close to me what I have in the works. Sometimes I post on facebook and sometimes people get get phone calls...but sometimes, you just want to shout something from the rooftops and a blog is the modern version of doing just that.
Here I can't contain myself any longer. I have prayed and prayed about what to do next with my life. I thought getting a job would fulfill my extra time so I couldn't dwell on my own children growing up and being in school full time. I thought that being busy would mean I wouldn't feel the pull to go down a certain path once more. I really thought that I would use my sewing and crafting to fulfill any extra spaces. I wasn't sure for a while if I ever wanted to be pregnant again, but I guess I don't like odd numbers or I just want the chance to do something extraordinary once more...but I am pursuing another surrogacy. This probably isn't the best means of sharing...but some things just need to be shared all at once with everything put out there.
In my last post, I mentioned seeing my FIM with her baby. Seeing the happiness in her face that she was able to show off her baby to the world, solidified a feeling that had been growing in my heart. I was pretty sure in those moments after childbirth that I would have to do this again, but in that instant I knew without a doubt. I would need to help one more family be created. I know it is a lot to ask of my family and friends. I could not have gotten through the rough spots in the last pregnancy without the help of many special people. I feel greedy in asking for their support again. Yet something about four pregnancies just feels complete. I don't feel like I will need to do this again.
Knowing I want to be a surrogate again and knowing what my own family has in the works for the next few years--adding sports and travel to our lives, this time just feels like the right time to pursue it. We have our own plans for the future where being pregnant would not fit. My heart is calling out for something and I just can't ignore it. I have talked with a few different couples over the last few months, but the couple I am continuing with gave me the same type of feeling I got when I first talked with J&M.
The new IPs (Intended Parents), C&J, have said that I can continue to blog about our journey and I look forward to sharing this experience from the very beginning. This blog should serve as a nice reminder for myself and anyone close to me, why I am going down this path. I feel blessed that I can do something, give hope, where there has been heartache. And while each journey is different and the end result is unknown, I feel like having the opportunity to try is worth it. I hope that next year at this time I can be blogging about a birth, but I may still be somewhere in the midst of a pregnancy or even contemplating why it didn't go as planned...whatever stage I am in is for the love of family. If I can teach my children to be compassionate and to reach out when they can, I will be able to look back on my life knowing I did something right as a mother.
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