There has been wood sitting in my garage since October. A few weeks ago that wood was transformed into cabinets for my laundry room and this past weekend, those amazing cabinets finally made it onto the wall. I was lucky to be out for a while because the simple task of hanging these cabinets turned out to be a major pain in the rump. Now all the scuffed walls have been patched and painted and I have a laundry room any woman would be proud to call hers. I even made curtains to cover the cabinet openings to give the room some color. I am lucky to have a husband that will do things for me...or call in the right friends to help him out. We have a small list of projects around here to keep us busy through springtime and I am anxious to be able to help out.
All the little projects that go on with owning a home and having children, always make me think...think about where we have been and how far we have come. I truly see this surrogacy as opening my eyes to my life. There is so much that I have just let slip by, passively watching my life just go on around me. Being pregnant and putting my life on hold, has made me appreciate the days of chasing my kids in the backyard or just deciding to paint a room. I have had a lot of moments lately where I just stare at my kids. I am reminded as we near the end of this journey, just how amazing they are. I seem to have not only made over my laundry room this weekend but also my outlook.
I was with a friend today and she said this surrogacy has been like a reset button on my life. That is completely what it has done for me. People talk about the amazing gift I am giving a family and really I have been given such as big a gift too. I feel like I am being given a second chance to make my own life better. I want take my life and live each day, really live it. Most people have to survive some sort of tragedy to get a new outlook or appreciation. I feel lucky that creating a family, a very positive experience, has given me this chance.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Oh, the things kids say and do...
A night or two ago, Eleanor (4yo) fell asleep first and I went to talk with Alex (6yo). He was asking about the baby and wanted to know how she was going to get out of my tummy. The first thing he did was make an awful face and ask if the doctor was going to slice me open to get her out. I instantly tried to calm him by saying that wasn't necessary but that only opened a new can of worms:
"So mom, exactly how does she get out of you then?"
My very logical, science minded child wanted details, steps probably, labeled from 1-10 on how a baby is to go from inside to outside. Is it wrong to not be ready to go there? I don't want to lie to the child, but he doesn't need to know the whole truth, right?? I did say that moms are special and our bodies do amazing things to get a baby out. He already asked if I was going to "throw her up" so I am sure it is just a matter of time before he asks if I am going to poop her out. I tried to liken it to the Tooth Fairy or even Santa, as truly, the birth of a child is a little magical just like those things.
Oh, Eleanor has learned how to make herself burp this week. She likes to try pretty much any time she thinks about it, even if she has just eaten. Not fun trying to explain that the more she does this the greater her chance of throwing up will be.
And I got my hair cut today and was feeling super fabulous about it, when she looks at me and says she likes the old hair better.
"So mom, exactly how does she get out of you then?"
My very logical, science minded child wanted details, steps probably, labeled from 1-10 on how a baby is to go from inside to outside. Is it wrong to not be ready to go there? I don't want to lie to the child, but he doesn't need to know the whole truth, right?? I did say that moms are special and our bodies do amazing things to get a baby out. He already asked if I was going to "throw her up" so I am sure it is just a matter of time before he asks if I am going to poop her out. I tried to liken it to the Tooth Fairy or even Santa, as truly, the birth of a child is a little magical just like those things.
Oh, Eleanor has learned how to make herself burp this week. She likes to try pretty much any time she thinks about it, even if she has just eaten. Not fun trying to explain that the more she does this the greater her chance of throwing up will be.
And I got my hair cut today and was feeling super fabulous about it, when she looks at me and says she likes the old hair better.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sleepytime
Last night, after reading stories, I lay down on Eleanor's bed with her. I looked at her quiet face and stroked her hair as she fell alseep. I look at my children differently now that I have glimsed the world of infertility. I never took them for granted but I don't think I appreciated them nearly as much as much as I do now. I am reminded in times of craziness and tantrums that I wouldn't trade it for anything...that those moments are just as much a part of life as the snuggles and kisses.
And as I lay down with my daughter, the little girl in my belly starts her evening dance. J&M are so blessed to have her coming. I feel sad that J will never know the feeling of her child within her, but some things are no longer important when you have waited so long for your child. It isn't the way she arrives into this world as long as she is yours.
I still check on both of my kids before I head to bed. I go into their rooms, tuck them in a little tighter and always make sure they are warm, but not too hot. I have done this for all but about 10 or so nights since they were born...coming up on seven years of bedtime checks and I don't plan to stop anytime soon.
And as I lay down with my daughter, the little girl in my belly starts her evening dance. J&M are so blessed to have her coming. I feel sad that J will never know the feeling of her child within her, but some things are no longer important when you have waited so long for your child. It isn't the way she arrives into this world as long as she is yours.
I still check on both of my kids before I head to bed. I go into their rooms, tuck them in a little tighter and always make sure they are warm, but not too hot. I have done this for all but about 10 or so nights since they were born...coming up on seven years of bedtime checks and I don't plan to stop anytime soon.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Oh, You're Pregnant!! Well, technically yes...
Lately the belly has really popped and a few warmer days without a heavy coat result in a lot more questions about being pregnant. If I am by myself, I get the "Oh, is this your first?" questions and then depending on whether I have one or both children with me, I get the corresponding..."is this your second" or "going for a third" type of questions. Only once or twice have I just smiled, said this is my third pregnancy and walked on...typically, the answer is a bit more elaborate.
Saying you are surrogate really gets people intrigued. I have found the most common question (usually prefaced with a "I hope this isn't too personal") is how did you decide to become a surrogate. Simply put, I think everyone that wants a family should be able to have one. I was lucky. I got pregnant the first month I tried with both of my children. I enjoyed being pregnant (for the most part). I loved feeling the kicks and wiggles and watching my body change to grow a tiny human being out of almost nothing. The miracle of it all was almost intoxicating. I feel like I was called to give back. My family was complete but I felt like I wasn't "done" and surrogacy just made sense.
The next most common question is "How can you give up the baby that you carried for nine months?" This one is a biggie. This is the one that most people can't fathom. For me, this is the easy part. I have my children. I look at them every day and see myself and my husband. I see my legacy...a little piece of myself. The baby in my womb is not my baby. This child will look like her mother and father; when they look in her eyes they will see their future...I will only see a beautiful baby that belongs to some very dear friends. I am in this for that moment at delivery when I see two people that have struggled for as many years as I have been a mother, finally realize a dream. To be a part of something like that is overwhelming and amazing. The moment a family is created is surely as life altering as seeing your own child for the first time. That single moment is why I am a surrogate.
Saying you are surrogate really gets people intrigued. I have found the most common question (usually prefaced with a "I hope this isn't too personal") is how did you decide to become a surrogate. Simply put, I think everyone that wants a family should be able to have one. I was lucky. I got pregnant the first month I tried with both of my children. I enjoyed being pregnant (for the most part). I loved feeling the kicks and wiggles and watching my body change to grow a tiny human being out of almost nothing. The miracle of it all was almost intoxicating. I feel like I was called to give back. My family was complete but I felt like I wasn't "done" and surrogacy just made sense.
The next most common question is "How can you give up the baby that you carried for nine months?" This one is a biggie. This is the one that most people can't fathom. For me, this is the easy part. I have my children. I look at them every day and see myself and my husband. I see my legacy...a little piece of myself. The baby in my womb is not my baby. This child will look like her mother and father; when they look in her eyes they will see their future...I will only see a beautiful baby that belongs to some very dear friends. I am in this for that moment at delivery when I see two people that have struggled for as many years as I have been a mother, finally realize a dream. To be a part of something like that is overwhelming and amazing. The moment a family is created is surely as life altering as seeing your own child for the first time. That single moment is why I am a surrogate.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Day 1
How many times in our lives have we had a Day 1? To move through life there will always be a Day 1 and that is inevitable. The first day of school, the first day you drive a car, the day you start your dream job or buy your first house. Then the life altering firsts...the day you meet the man you will marry, the day you find out you are expecting your first child or the day he/she is born, the day you learn someone close to you has died. So many things in life start with a Day 1 and motherhood is no exception. For me, Day 1 of Motherhood was August 1, 2003. That was the day I got that first positive on the home pregnancy test and my life has never been the same. And today would mark Day 1 of attempting to blog. :-)
I follow so many wonderful blogs and have gotten amazing glimpses into the lives of others. While my story isn't exceptional, it is mine. I hope you follow along.
I follow so many wonderful blogs and have gotten amazing glimpses into the lives of others. While my story isn't exceptional, it is mine. I hope you follow along.
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