Changes

Just a few weeks ago I was struggling with where I needed to go next.  It is so strange how thinking and praying about something can actually give you a result.  I know at this point that so much of my life has come in a time that is not my own, but it is all part of a bigger plan.  It is so hard to be patient and wait when answers elude you.  There are times when your "needs" are actually "wants" and time is the only thing that shows you this truth.

It is funny to me how surrogacy has changed my life. Taking a year "off" of my own life and learning to appreciate all that I can do (like carry more than a gallon of milk!) that I typically take for granted. Believing in this process and knowing that God will make anything happen that is supposed to...learning to trust and have faith.  The turning points in my life have all been like this.  I struggle with something and then after a while, things begin to happen and I see a clear answer.  With the surrogacy, we got pregnant the first try, had some ups and downs during the pregnancy, but the end result was a wonderfully healthy baby girl.  I truly learned the meaning of family and love over the last year. I learned who is there for me and taught my children how to reach out and help other people.  Things came out of this last year, other than a baby, that I never anticipated.  And for the friends, the family, the support...I am grateful.

So I have been praying about where to go next, where to put my energy for the next little while.  And the other day I got a phone call about a part time job.  A job where I would be in an office, dressing nicely, interacting with people.  Actually using skills that have been on the shelf for a very long time.  I got excited.  It all felt right and the flexibility will allow me to still be involved at school.  I would go to work after I drop the kids off and when I am done working I can leisurely get in the car pool line--we still start and end our days together and that is what I want for my family.  There will be an occasional time where the kids will be at home with hubby during the work day but he has committed to helping however he can. I don't mind a "movie day" every once in a while since I know how hard the kids work at school and if this means that I don't impose on anyone else all that often, it seems good to me.  I know I will need some help though and the next few weeks will involve lining up a few back up people.

This past month has also involved some physical changes.  Four personal training sessions along with a personal workout plan and I have noticed a new feeling: strength.  I can physically push myself to do things I didn't think possible. While I haven't really lost weight, I am changing my body. My balance has improved and I feel like I am standing taller as muscles are long and lean. The challenge of exercise has provided a mental rush too...so I feel like there have been lots of mind/body improvements going on.

And the last change for this month will be my baby turning five.  A five year old is so different from a four-year old and things start to happen at an exceptionally quick rate.  This first year of elementary school takes in a little kid and at the end, there will be a very grown up, independent child that be capable of so much more than you ever imagined.  I have anticipated this change and looked forward to it at times, but it is the most heart wrenching part of my life right now.  It seems like she was just put in my arms for the first time, a moment ago...and the years of spitting up, learning to walk and potty-training are now just a blink.  Where has the time gone? My baby girl is less than a week away from turning 5 and just two weeks away from starting kindergarten.  I hope I am ready, because I know without a doubt that she is.

Life can change so quickly and I feel so blessed that those changes, even when they seem major, have always brought something positive.  I look forward to this new chapter and am curious to see if there is anything else around the corner!