Understanding

So I haven't actually told the kids that we are pregnant.  We have mentioned it to them that mommy wants to help another family and wants to be pregnant again, but not actually gone so far as to share the news. 

The other day I got some great pictures of Baby A from her parents.  I pulled them up on the computer to show Alex and asked if he knew who that baby was or who those happy looking people were with her.  When he realized who she was, I told him that we all worked really hard to grow that baby for her parents and now they are so happy every single day because they have her.

I told him I wanted to help another mommy that couldn't grow her own baby...his first response was "not again!"...but I hugged him close and told him that it means a lot to me to help someone.  He asked how a tummy can be broken and why I can grow babies when others can't.  To use a really bad example, I reminded him of when he needed his adenoids out.  They weren't helping him and actually causing trouble for him--I was trying to explain how sometimes our bodies just don't work like they are supposed to and what works on one person might not work on someone else. I didn't want to get into anything too scary and I wanted to keep my explanations completely understandable.  It seemed to make sense to him fairly quickly and we spent a few minutes talking about various other things that don't always work--your eyes, tonsils, gallbladder...he'll probably laugh at me down the road when he realized how horrible my comparision of a broken uterus was to a broken gallbladder.

He still seemed a little hesitant so we looked back at all the photos, then I just looked him in the eye and said that it would break my heart not to have him.  I would want him even if my belly was broken. He looked like he was going to cry when I said that.  So I told him that maybe we would try to grow two babies this time and he thought that sounded cool. I love how a little bit of spin can totally change the situation for an almost 8 year old.

Surrogacy is a huge family event.  Everyone feels the effects of a pregnant mommy, even when you aren't preparing to bring a baby home.  The nausea, exhaustion, cravings, aversions...the kids notice even when you don't think they do. They can tell something is up.  I try to make it all a very positive experience, like enjoying McD's more often or giving in to little requests...I also try to remind my family and friends why I do this...it isn't about any type of recognition or compensation...its because my world revolves around my family and I would do whatever I needed to in order to have my family.

If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would want someone willing to grow my child when I could not.  I can only hope I would be as wonderful as the two couples I have worked with...trusting me to do what is right for their child during this critical nine month period.  I have a huge responsibility but I couldn't do it alone.  Just like raising children takes a village, it seems that just growing one does too.