I haven't been feeling so strong lately...and mostly, I mean this in the physical way. After the baby was born (and during which the pregnancy only allowed me six weeks of normal activity), my arms and legs were tired. My core muscles were gone and I felt loose, wobbly almost. Relying heavily on an abdominal support, I made my way through those first few weeks and started noticing that I felt tighter and stronger. I could carry things again without feeling a strain of overuse. Wednesday I had my post partum check up and was told what I pretty much knew already. My core muscles were weak, my pelvic floor was really weak. For anyone not familiar, your pelvic floor is pretty much the group of muscles that keeps your insides in. :-) When you are pregnant, these muscles work by holding your growing uterus. Sometimes no matter how many kegels you do, this muscle group is overextended. I was told that I needed time, a good bit of time, to strengthen these muscles before I even consider getting pregnant again...
...I guess I should stop here to say that I as stressful as being a surrogate was at times, I really look back at the entire experience with a very positive feeling. I would love to be able to help J&M again if they decide they want a sibling...and if they don't, well, I feel like there is someone else out there that I might be able to help. I haven't decided whether or not I want to be a surrogate again and with the doctor telling me that another big baby could be really hard on my body, it throws my thought process a curve-ball. She didn't say I couldn't carry, but said I would have to work hard to get all my muscles strong enough to endure.
When a decision you wanted to make yourself, might be made for you by your body, it can be hard to process. (This must be just a glimpse of what people dealing with infertility feel when they are told they can't carry at all). I wanted to come to the decision myself and since we know I have no patience, I sort of wanted to make the decision based on this doctor visit. While I knew I needed to get stronger, physically, I wasn't quite prepared for the reality. A whole range of emotions have flooded me the last few days--everything from relief to sadness. And maybe taking time to make a decision, depending on how things continue to go physically, will make me emotionally stronger as well.
Everyone at my house has been sick. We are officially at the two week mark with the coughing and sneezing. All of us have allergies to some degree, although everyone had been functioning very well with some otc medication. Somewhere we picked up an extra germ to add to the already goopy mess and Eleanor ended up with a sinus infection. So far me and the hubby have fared the best, as we are still coughing but never ran a fever. One of the hardest parts of being a mom is being sick yourself while trying to take care of the rest of the family. Being strong on so many levels is just part of the job.
There have been plenty of distractions lately so that has helped. Not only with everyone being sick, but a field trip thrown in Tuesday. We are also waiting for a very dear friend to have her baby (come on baby!!). Its nice to focus on other things for a while, so I haven't really thought much about the blog or what may happen with a possible second surrogacy. I can't be totally self absorbed all the time. :-)
 |
| Its twirly! |
 |
| The new skirt! |
As I had a ball today creating things for my family, I was reminded that if my body isn't strong enough to carry another child, at least I can do other things. I can be a great wife, mother, and friend...I can share awesome home-making tips that I stumble upon...great sewing tutorials...and maybe, give someone else the strength to do something they have always wanted to do. For if the people closest to you don't give you strength, who will?
***A great tip I learned for gathers/ruffles...set your tension to the highest setting, turn up your stitch length and sew: the machine does it for you!! You can make the gathers even more defined by holding onto the top thread slightly as you sew (which can be quite tricky if you want to keep sewing in a straight line). It was so much faster than making the basting stitch and doing it all by hand.***
 |
| The "old" skirt in action. |
 |
| And the little man! |
