J&M have a huge group of friends and family that have supported them throughout this surrogacy. Yesterday I was able to meet some of these people and I can honestly say I have never felt more love in my life. I feel blessed to be a part of this process in a whole new way. I knew there was something special about J&M from the first time we met. Part of me feels like, even if I wasn't their surrogate, I would have met them for some other reason. They have always seems liked old friends and the level of familiarity was something I have never experienced before or since. When things are meant to happen, there isn't much fighting it.
The shower was beautiful and the people were wonderful. It was so nice to see J celebrated as a mother-to-be and get to share in her special day. I wasn't prepared for everyone to be so vocal about my role; there were tears, hugs and the most kind words ever spoken. I cried in the car on the way home just thinking about it. I really feel like I didn't deserve all that attention. After all, what I am doing really isn't that big in the grand scheme of things. I am just a vessel to get this little girl to the arms of her parents, my nine month role is nothing compared to what goes into actually nurturing and raising a child.
My family thought it was worth it to take a break from focusing on ourselves to help someone else. People are always sacrificing things to help others or to help a cause they believe in. I guess my cause just happens to be Motherhood. Anyone that has ever looked at their own child and then imagined a world without that little person, would probably get a glimpse of why I wanted to do this for even a complete stranger. My heart aches to think of my world without my children. I don't think I would have been strong enough to go on for years and years of trying, without it causing major damage to the person I am and to my marriage. I am blown away by J&M (and really all the couples I have read about that endure infertility) and their ability to stay strong and sane.
God works in amazing ways. I am not the most religious in the sense that I do not attend a church, but I am very faithful. I pray often and prayed quite a bit about the decision to pursue surrogacy. I had been struggling with the feeling that I wanted...really needed...to be pregnant again but I also felt like our family was complete. I feel like my prayer led me to the world of surrogacy, then straight to J&M. It is amazing to think that our first round of IVF actually took and here we are 33 weeks pregnant with a beautiful little girl.
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